


Everyday is a new crisis.

by Caffine_Major



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Group chat, Humanstuck, I got other shit to write, I'm Sorry, M/M, highschool I guess, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-20 03:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14886459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffine_Major/pseuds/Caffine_Major
Summary: Everyday in the group chat has a new problem, it's funny though.





	Everyday is a new crisis.

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of sophomore year: part the first: Um...gay?

 

> Stridebrite(TM) made groupchat: guys help me
> 
> Stridebrite(TM) added: flowersaregaydeal
> 
> Stridebrite(TM) added: getchyofuckindog
> 
> Stridebrite(TM) added: ghostbustersirlthough
> 
> * * *
> 
> * * *
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>  **8:30am** Stridebrite(TM): Guys help me. I'm in full panic mode.
> 
>  **8:31am** flowersaregaydeal: What do you need Dave?
> 
>  **8:33am** ghostbustersirlthough: You okay?
> 
>  **8:34am** getchyofuckindog: Who do I need to hurt?
> 
>  **8:35am** Stridebrite(TM): I saw this guy.
> 
>  **8:36am** ghostbustersirlthough: Dave you see guys all the time. All day. You go outside.
> 
>  **8:36am** flowersaregaydeal: I swear it's been less two class periods how are you already panicking?
> 
>  **8:37am** Stridebrite(TM): No guys this is special he's _cute as fuck._
> 
>  **8:38am** getchyofuckindog: I'm in class. We're all in class. Dave. We could get in trouble because you're a disaster gay.
> 
>  **8:40am** Stridebrite(TM): Yet you're all still responding.
> 
>  **8:40am** Stridebrite(TM): Anyway there's this guy sitting in front of me and he's cute as fuck. I can't stop staring. I'm dying. Guys what do I do?
> 
>  **8:42am** flowersaregaydeal: Dave. _Dave_. We love you, but this isn't a real crisis. We haven't even gotten our schedules yet.
> 
>  **8:44am** Stridebrite(TM): Okay but if he's in anymore of my classes I'll die. I'm gonna fail history already because who cares about the french revolution or whatever when you got boys to look at? I'm gonna have to drop out because of this. I'm going to fail my second year of high school because of the dude with the dyed hair in front of me.
> 
>  **8:45am** ghostbustersirlthough: really Dave? He dyes his hair?
> 
>  **8:47am** Stridebrite(TM): Yes.
> 
>  **8:48am** getchyofuckindog: how can you even tell?
> 
>  **8:49am** Stridebrite(TM): His roots are like bright red, but the rest is black. He hasn't dyed it in about a month.
> 
>  **8:50am** getchyofuckindog: okay how can you tell _that_? That's just weird.
> 
>  **8:50am** Stridebrite(TM): Remember the pink hair incident? Yeah that's how.
> 
>  **8:51am** flowersaregaydeal: Don't make it sound like it was a one time thing. You spent over a year dying your hair pink.
> 
>  **8:51am** Stridebrite(TM): Shut up. _Anyways_ he's cute and I'm gonna fail this class because of him. Also I'll be right back gonna pass out all the schedules.
> 
>  **8:52am** flowersaregaydeal: Dave why are you doing that?
> 
>  **8:52am** flowersaregaydeal: Dave you never volunteer for anything what's your motive? David Elizabeth Strider I swear to god if you are just using this to read that boys schedule...
> 
>  **8:59am** Stridebrite(TM): So I read his schedule and he's in almost all of my classes: History first period, Honors English second, P.E. third, Lunch fourth, music fifth, and finally math. I'm going to fail over half my classes.
> 
>  **9:01am** flowersaregaydeal: Dave, you'll only fail if you let yourself fail. Don't let it happen and it won't.
> 
>  **9:02am** Stridebrite(TM): Rose you've never been more wrong about anything. I have zero self control. You saw how fast I fell into fandom hell with problem sleuth. You all saw.
> 
>  **9:03am** getchyofuckindog: I shudder at the thought to this day.
> 
>  **9:03am** Stridebrite(TM): You fuckin' see Rose? Jade remembers. I am well aware I could not sit next to him but apparently his name is "Karkat Vantas" which isn't even close to my name but also it really depends on how my teachers base this shit.
> 
>  **9:03am** flowersaregaydeal: Dave. You are grasping at straws now. You might sit near him. You'll have to learn to live with it.
> 
>  **9:05am** ghostbustersirlthough: Dave? You can't run from Rose's cold hard logic.
> 
>  **9:06am** getchyofuckindog: Be a man and talk to us!
> 
>  **9:08am** Stridebrite(TM): aidjfaiosjdaijiod
> 
>  **9:08am** getchyofuckindog: Dave not again. Use words.
> 
>  **9:08am** Stridebrite(TM): okay you're not allowed to tell anyone about this
> 
>  **9:08am** Stridebrite(TM): HE TALKED TO ME. I'M DYING HE TALKED TO ME.
> 
>  **9:09am** getchyofuckindog: Yes but did you talk back?
> 
>  **9:09am** Stridebrite(TM): that's not important.
> 
>  **9:09am** flowersaregaydeal: Dave please tell me you didn't do the thing.
> 
>  **9:09am** ghostbustersirlthough: what's "the thing"?
> 
>  **9:10am** flowersaregaydeal: It's this thing Dave does sometimes, he just opens and closes his mouth while nodding. His eyes get really wide as well, makes way too much eye contact while he's at it. I hope he didn't do it.
> 
>  **9:10am** flowers are gay deal: Dave it's you: @o@
> 
>  **9:10am** Stridebrite(TM): I might've..............Rose that's bullying. Stop bullying me.
> 
>  **9:10am** getchyofuckindog: I swear to god
> 
> getchyofuckindog has changed to: ImtiredofyourshitStrider
> 
> **9:10am** Stridebrite(TM): John call the school I'm being bullied. I am being personally attacked.
> 
>  **9:11am**  ghostbustersirlthough: No
> 
>  **9:11am** Stridebrite(TM): okay, but you know what he said? He said "why the fuck are you staring at me, don't act like you aren't asshole." his voice is so fuckin' rough. My dudes. My guys. My actual Family. I think I'm in love.
> 
>  **9:11am** ImtiredofyourshitStrider: Dave, I love you but, you once said that about pasta.
> 
>  **9:12am** Stridebrite(TM): SORRY ALL I SAW WAS "DAVE I LOVE YOU" LOVE YOU TOO GOTTA GO SNAG A SEAT NEXT TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
> 
>  **9:12am** ImtiredofyourshitStrider: You got lucky this time
> 
>  **9:58am** Stridebrite(TM): Okay so guess what happened? He sits next to me. Like right next to me. Also I walked near him during passing period and he's so short? Like he's so small? And like he's got nice as fuck legs. I'm dying he looks so good. Y'all don't get it.
> 
>  **9:59am** ghostbustersirlthough: I've seen Karkat before, he was in most of my classes last year, he's not that good looking.
> 
>  **9:59am** Stridebrite(TM): you fucking sinner John. Two strikes!
> 
>  **10:00am** ghostbustersirlthough: WAIT WHY TWO STRIKES
> 
>  **10:00am** Stridebrite(TM): One strike for not showing me this actual model going to our school, and a second for lying to me blatantly. He's gorgeous. Also where are you guys sitting?
> 
>  **10:01am** ghostbustersirlthough: He dyes his hair Dave. We're at the round table by the window in the back. You'll know it's us because of Roses eye-bleeding jacket.
> 
>  **10:01am** flowersaregaydeal: It's nice. I like it. Also I saw someone on the way here. She liked it too. Her exact word were "I love your jacket, it's a very nice shade of purple, where'd you get it?" she was quite pretty too.
> 
>  **10:01am** Stridebrite(TM): okay I see you guys. And also I agree with mystery girl, it's a nice jacket.
> 
>  **10:01am** flowersaregaydeal: She walked with me the rest of the way to the lunch room, we talked a bit. Her name is Kanaya. She wants to major in fashion design later in college and asked if she could use me as a model for some of her work.....that's just now processing....a pretty girl asked me to model for her....and I said yes...and gave her my number....and then I left....
> 
>  **10:02am** Stridebrite(TM): I can see you Rose and wow I'm not sure if you've ever looked this dumb before. Also of course she'd ask you to model for her. She could feel how gay you were and was like "wow this girls just as gay as me, gotta find a way to stare at her for long periods of time. Guess I'll just tell her my future life plans and ask her to try on clothes I make yup game plan right there."
> 
>  **10:02am** flowersaregaydeal: true. I hope so at least.
> 
> ImtiredofyourshitStrider has changed to: getchyofuckindog
> 
> **10:03am** getchyofuckindog: Is the whole strilonde family this gay? Or just you guys?
> 
>  **10:04am** Stridebrite(TM): When did that start anyway? Like the merging of our two last names. Who did that? Was it John? If feels like it was John.
> 
>  **10:04am** flowersaregaydeal: Everyone but Roxy.
> 
>  **10:04am** Stridebrite(TM): She's a sophisticated bisexual, not like the rest of us disaster gays.
> 
>  **10:05am** getchyofuckindog: You're sitting next to us, just talk with words like a normal person.
> 
>  **10:05am** Stridebrite(TM): Fine, but know that y'all are lame.
> 
>  **10:05am** getchyofuckindog: Don't care. Words Dave. Words.

**Author's Note:**

> Read my other shit it's better I promise.  
> Usernames:  
> Stridebrite(TM): Dave "disaster gay" Strider  
> flowersaregaydeal: Rose Lalonde  
> ghostbustersirlthough: John Egbert  
> getchyofuckindog: Jade "Done with your shit Dave" Harley


End file.
